Communication with the ex. I know; you’d rather not. However, if you two have children together, it is often unavoidable and it is necessary for the children’s well-being. For this blog post, I am specifically referencing e-mail & written communication. I advise clients to treat communication with their ex as if it were a business relationship. Try not to let your emotions take control of the keyboard and really focus on the topics that need to be discussed. If you sense the other party is trying to get under your skin (and trust me, they know how to do it), as long as the e-mail is not dealing with an emergency involving your children or you are required to respond by a certain deadline, step away from the computer and take a breather before responding. Do not be afraid to reach out to your attorney for advice on how to handle any specific communication.
If you or your ex are tempted to send several e-mails throughout the day, rather than bombarding each other’s inboxes, I suggest that you keep an open Word Document/notepad nearby and jot down all of your thoughts/questions/concerns throughout the day. At the end of the day, just compile one, detailed e-mail. This will eliminate a lot of back and forth and it will also give you peace of mind that you are not forgetting any important topics to discuss.
Sometimes it is imperative that parties have specific details in their custody and parenting time orders regarding communication methods and etiquette. For example, one common tool that is often ordered or agreed to is use of a website called “Our Family Wizard” (https://www.ourfamilywizard.com/). A one-year subscription to this service is $99.00 per parent, or you can purchase a two-year subscription for $179.00 per parent. This tool essentially allows parties to keep a detailed record of e-mails sent and received and even allows attorney/Court access to the e-mails if a party permits this feature or it is ordered by the Court. The e-mails are easily printable for attachments to Court documents and/or for use at an evidentiary hearing. The website also allows parties to exchange documents, maintain an expense log (for children’s expenses that are shared between the parties), and to maintain a shared calendar, which is useful when planning vacations and monitoring the children’s extracurricular and academic activities. The website provides additional information regarding the many benefits that it has to offer.
Whether or not parties are utilizing Our Family Wizard, there are various provisions that can be included in a Court Order to try and limit/avoid communication disputes, as well. For example, the parties can agree to communicate via e-mail/text message only, unless it is an emergency. Parties can set deadlines for responding to e-mails (e.g. within 48 hours) and limit the topic of communication (e.g. children’s issues only). The type of provisions that are necessary really depend on the parties and their circumstances, so it is important that you discuss any past or predicted communication difficulties with your attorney. The more detail in an order the better; the goal is to keep the children out of the middle and allow co-parenting to occur in an effective manner.
*These tips may not be applicable in every case. In some situations, parties are prohibited from communicating to each other due to safety concerns/domestic violence, and/or pursuant to a Personal Protection Order or No Contact Order in a criminal matter. It is important that you consult with an attorney regarding your specific situation.
Pospiech Family Law & Mediation, PLLC is focused on finding resolutions that help your family move forward. Attorney Jessica L. Pospiech provides a calming influence and gives her clients the care and attention that is so necessary for families facing difficult and emotional circumstances. Ms. Pospiech ensures that she is readily available for her clients’ questions and concerns. Please do not hesitate to reach out.
P: (734) 531-8554
E: jessica@mifamilylawfirm.com